the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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