I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
