win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm too high and old for this...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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