once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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