I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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