do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
