I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
