I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
