I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
