VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
