youre lurking in front of me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
