the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
