i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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