his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
