I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
