I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
