im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
