you would pick up someone in the library
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
