pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
