You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
