I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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