i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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