We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
