I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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