I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
