I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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