I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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