remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
