He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
