I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
