So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
