At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
