I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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