At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
