this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
