Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
