four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
