which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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