i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
