hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
