Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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