I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
