Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
