for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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