I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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