brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
