he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
