Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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