Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
