nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
