When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
