my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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