Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
