So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
