mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
