Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
