If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
