reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
