You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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