I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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